On Today About Yesterday
Content Warning: This is a graphic story about times past and present
Today is September 11th which always evokes many emotions, and yesterday there was another shooting at a school and another guy got shot in the neck and a video is circulating that shows exactly what happened. Firstly, I am so sorry for the children at the school in Denver, and I’m so sorry for all children of America who know way more about gun violence than is necessary. Their blood is all over the hands of congress. Secondly, I had never heard of Charlie Kirk before yesterday and I heard of him in the morning, hours before he got hurt.
He slithered into our conversation like a snake. Next week I am going to Minnesota, to celebrate my friend’s wedding and be with my family for a few days and I wanted my girlfriend to switch her flight to stay longer. She said, she might actually stay longer because there was a guy she was potentially filming for work that following week in Minnesota. She showed me some videos of the guy and I watched him argue away from any semblance of a conversation. In the video I saw, a mother was asking him a question about welfare and he, number one would not stop hitting on her baby, and number two didn’t answer her question. He talked about how sad it is there are no dads in traditional families which she said nothing about. But while he was speaking I had pity for him. Truly, I’m really trying to live empathetically for all and unfortunately that includes all, so I don’t say I had empathy - but I had pity which is a step. Or so I tell myself.
Also, sometimes I do this thing when I’m hearing someone talk. I zone in on their vocal mechanism and I stop listening to their words. I’m just thinking about resonance. Ha. I’m a nerd. This man spoke like he had a snake in his throat but I thought “What a dick rash” and I moved on with my day.
Yesterday, my day was a little busy and I am in general exhausted yet manic, and I was on day 2 of my period. I was on birth control for a long time and now that I’m not and I have a super regular 25 days in between 3 day periods and rarely get cramps. It’s a dream. So I was shocked over and over again when I bled through all my pads yesterday. I was just not expecting to be cleaning up blood all day but vagina keepers - if you know, you know. Some days be like that.
Talk about having snakes in you. I used to be very scared and very imaginative when I was a kid and puberty and periods, sex, rape - all of it really confused me. Not to mention the shame of having a vagina and being a girl in the first place, thanks a lot Eve. The snakes got to her, too. Anyway having a bloody period day made me think back to a younger Rebecca who really hated bloody days and hated her body.
Later in the afternoon, I was practicing singing in my room. Massaging my face and thinking of the muscles, fascia, nerves and air required when making a beautiful sound come out of a throat. My girlfriend comes in and says “Charlie Kirk got shot in the neck.” I looked up with my neck in my hands and said, “Who?”
Then I watched the video. Wow. The containers that we call bodies are truly remarkable. I thought I lost a lot of blood yesterday! The amount of blood that came out of that neck was nothing less than miraculous. Especially, when you consider that doesn’t just happen all the time. Our insides are meant to be inside… it’s when your insides get outside, there’s your trouble. Take it from me, my twin sister had omphalocele and it didn’t work out so well.
Charlie Kirk was a scorpio and I feel, generationally - all millennials are scorpios. At least the ones born with Pluto in scorpio I make the argument for. The ones who were just hitting puberty when the towers fell in 2001. Damn scorpios love to fight, too and they’re stubborn. And the fascination with graphic, disgusting bits of bodies and gore. Hard shells and just mush and gush for insides.
Also, yesterday the NYT crossword 1x1 was Karma.
